My Top 6 Favourite Brit Awards Blunders

Thursday, February 26th, 2015

It's almost traditional now for the annual BRIT Awards ceremony to have some sort of controversy or mishap surrounding it. It's getting to the point where they really ought to consider a new award for Best Blunder just to make sure every skill-set is covered. And after last night's Fallen Madonna mishap I thought I'd look back over some of my favourite BRIT Award blunders of the last 25 years or so (the awards have actually been going since 1977, as a way of marking the Queen's silver jubilee - there, you didn't know that, did you?). Right, on with the show...

February 13th, 1989 - Samantha Fox and Mick Fleetwood do Ant and Dec (badly)

In 1989 the BRITS were inexplicably co-hosted by Page 3 Stunna Samantha Fox and Gandalf lookalike Mick Fleetwood. Whoever thought to put those two together deserves the first ever BRIT Blunder Award because it was just an embarrassment of under-rehearsed announcements, failing autocues and some poorly organised backstage shenanigans (for instance, a pre-recorded acceptance message from Michael Jackson was never transmitted, and when the hosts welcomed the Four Tops onto the stage, Boy George walked out instead - never a satisfactory replacement). Plus, the vast difference in height between Samantha (5ft 1in) and Mick (6ft 4in) made even camera movements tricky. Oh, and then there was that pink hair...

February 12th, 1992 - The KLF retire live on stage to a deafening soundtrack

In 1992 there was the BRITS' first ever "artistic rebellion". We've come to expect frank speeches and arresting hand signals from some of the sozzled singers over the years, but the first time an act actually hijacked the ceremony was when the ever controversial KLF opened the show with a death metal version of their hit 3am Eternal. The performance ended with Bill Drummond firing blanks over the heads of the audience from a vintage machine gun alongside the announcement that "Ladies and gentlemen, The KLF have now left the music business". And they pretty much did. Within weeks the biggest selling band of 1991 announced they were packing it all in and deleted their entire back catalogue, their last artistic effort being the dumping of a dead sheep at the entrance to the BRITS after-party, tied up with the words "I died for ewe (bon appetit)". In hindsight, The KLF might have been pushed into all this by the fact they had to share the Best British Group Award with Simply Red.

February 19th, 1996 - Jarvis Cocker waggles his bum at Michael Jackson fans

The most memorable BRITS boob has to be 1996's stage invasion by Pulp frontman Jarvis Cocker during an extravagant performance of Earth Song by Michael Jackson. While MJ is up on a cherry-picker asking why humanity doesn't care about forest trails and crying whales (how can he tell they're crying?), Jarvis wandered onto stage to drunkenly protest against what he saw as the indulgence of an over-inflated egotist. His protest is actually pretty pathetic when you watch it back, as he seems to arrive on stage and then have no idea what to do, and proceeds to simply pose in a very Cocker-like way, and waggle his bum at the crowd. The fact he was waggling his bum at a bunch of crazed Michael Jackson fans in the mosh pit probably didn't get help his cause. But still, it provided a memorable BRIT moment which has passed into legend.

February 9th, 1998 - John Prescott is drenched by Chumbawamba

Politics should never interfere with music, in my opinion. But in 1998 the BRITS decided it would be a good idea, seeing as the Labour Party had so magnificently swept to power in the previous year's General Election, to have Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott sitting in the audience with his wife, watching the ceremony, among the Britpop glitterati. This didn't go down too well with the Scottish dance group Chumbawamba, who decided to hurl a bucket of iced water over him, stating: "If John Prescott has the nerve to turn up at events like the BRIT Awards in a vain attempt to make Labour seem cool and trendy, then he deserves all we can throw at him." Despite apologies from EMI Europe, Chumbawamba have been unrepentant about their watery assault of Two-Jags ever since.

March 3rd, 2000 - Non-entity invades stage and insults rock legend

(Go to 2 minutes 20 seconds in to see the blunder begin)
In the year 2000 the BRITS were to be the scene of an artistic showdown between the waning Spice Girls and the newly solo Geri Halliwell, but it wasn't this girly cat fight that made the headlines. Nobody had ever heard of DJ Brandon Block before March 3rd, 2000, and even 15 years later you'd be hard pushed to think of any other reason to recognise Mr Block other than for his BRIT blunder. He had drunk so much that when his joshing mates claimed Brandon had won an award and ought to get up on stage to accept it, the inebriated DJ stumbled into action, interrupting the announcement by Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood and actress Thora Birch of the Best Soundtrack Album. Block was pulled off stage by security and an exchange of fruity insults went on between the Stones guitarist and the non-entity DJ, before Block charged back onto stage only to be met with Ronnie's half-pint of beer in the face. In case you were wondering, Notting Hill won.

February 25th, 2015 - Minotaur assaults Madonna

Finally, it's got to be 2015's BRITS blunder (no, not the incessant but welcome muting of Kanye West). Madonna's unceremonious fall backwards downstairs while singing Living for Love was unintentionally hilarious. A dancer dressed as a minotaur yanked the cape Madonna had wrapped around her neck and it was meant to come off with ease, but it seems the cape was wrapped around her neck rather too securely by good old Velcro and the whole lot went at once. Cue international megastar slumped in an undignified heap on the floor before millions of TV viewers. But you know what? The thing is, rather like Michael Jackson all those years ago, Madonna just got back up and carried on with the performance, through to the end, like a true professional. People might have had Cocker-like objections to Jackson's Earth Song performance, and others might secretly enjoy the bursting of the Queen of Pop's bulging bubble, but when it came down to it, they both showed their experience and professionalism by not letting the audience down. And you've gotta give them credit for that.

Now, roll on BRITS 2016. I can't wait to see what blunders it has up its sleeve.

Gone Too Soon: Remembering Michael Jackson

Wednesday, June 25th, 2014

Michael Jackson on stage during his Dangerous world tour (1992)

Today is the fifth anniversary of Michael Jackson's death. I find it hard to believe it's been five whole years since that happened: time really does fly when you're not looking.
Jackson's death is one of those events that you remember where you were when you heard, like I imagine John Lennon, Elvis and JFK were for previous generations.
There were - and still are - fewer people more famous than Michael Jackson, and when our children and our children's children grow up, they will not be able to understand the level of fame Jackson reached.
Today's biggest stars are the likes of Katy Perry (53.96 million Twitter followers), Justin Bieber (52.48 million) and Lady GaGa (41.55 million), but if each one of their followers bought one copy of one of their albums, then they would begin to reach the height and breadth of Jackson's impact.
His 1982 album Thriller has sold 42.4 million certified copies worldwide to date: that's just one of his albums. If Katy Perry sold 54 million albums, then she'd be a superstar. To date, she's sold fewer than 15 million copies of her three albums combined.
People of my generation - and my parents' generation - were lucky to live in a time which witnessed such global superstardom. I am always envious when I see and hear about the sheer excitement and insane hysteria which surrounded Beatlemania in the 1960s, because no amount of flickering monochrome TV footage or talking heads with "people who were there" can reproduce what it was really like.
It was similar with Jackson. In the 1980s - particularly the mid-1980s to mid-1990s - Jackson was one of the most famous, and probably one of the most loved, human beings on the planet, orbited by satellite superstars such as Madonna, Prince, Tina Turner and Whitney Houston.

Smooth Criminal

But nobody ever quite attracted the hysteria and excitement that Jackson did in his prime, as any "child of the 80s" will tell you. Thriller, Beat It, Billie Jean, We Are The World, Bad, Smooth Criminal, Moonwalker... The excitement he generated was exhilarating, frightening even.
And regardless of What Happened Next - the allegations, the drugs, the court cases, the surgery - he was still Michael Jackson, the biggest star in the world, even when his shine had faded.
His latter years - really, his final decade - were troubled times, plagued with misfortune and controversy, and it is sad to look back at the inexorable decline of such a huge star. It is both tragic and humbling, and certainly a lesson for anybody else seeking fortune and fame without the necessary equipment to survive it (Mr Bieber take note).
Anybody who enjoyed music in the 1970s, 80s, 90s and 00s cannot fail to have been touched in some way by the talent of Michael Jackson, whether they are a fan, an admirer or just a begrudging observer.
I remember where I was when I heard Michael Jackson had died. I was lying in bed in a hotel room in Manchester. A BBC newsflash came on between programmes - which is never, ever a good thing - and there it was, the caption scrolling across the screen, defying my disbelief.
The next morning, while out shopping in the city centre, the impact of Jackson's death was everywhere. His music echoed out of every shop doorway, the headlines paid tribute to him on the cover of every newspaper and on every news billboard, and it was all people seemed to be talking about as I caught snatches of conversations in the street.
It will be some time before another celebrity death has quite the same impact in as many countries, in as many cultures, as Michael Jackson's.
Bieber and Perry and GaGa may be famous, but Jackson was a superstar. And they are rare to find in our skies.

Michael Joseph Jackson: 1958 - 2009

Music is my radar

Thursday, April 3rd, 2014

I don't go and see live music too often - most of the music artists I like are either dead or retired! But just recently things have changed, and some of the most prominent musicians in my life have re-emerged, either from obscurity or the grave!

Kate Bush... back on stage after 35 years

The biggest musical news of 2014 so far surely has to be the fact Kate Bush has announced her first live dates since 1979, and the media furore that surrounded people's difficulty in securing tickets to see this seldom seen genius.
Kate isn't to all tastes, but it's hard to deny that she has a towering songwriting talent and a totally unique voice. When her Before the Dawn live dates at London's Hammersmith Odeon went on sale last week, there was a mad scramble from fans across the globe to snap them up. She may be doing 15 dates, but that'll probably be it, so this is by and large a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to see her live.
Luckily, I managed to get some, and I do feel ridiculously lucky to have got them when I see on social media so many heartbroken people who didn't. It was first come first served, and I was lucky enough to be served while they still had some stock in.
And so hubby and I will be off to Hammersmith in August to see the lady herself, and I really don't care what she sings, because it's Kate Bush! She could sing the Phone Book and it'd be beautiful (in fact she almost did just that on her 2005 track Pi, most of the lyrics for which are simply, well... pi! But done so beautifully!).
I'm secretly hoping for This Woman's Work (one of the most heartrending sad songs of all time), Running Up That Hill, Hammer Horror and Somewhere In Between - but really, she can sing what the heck she likes, because I'll be there listening!

Tori Amos... unrepentant

The other major live gig we're seeing this year is Tori Amos, too often cited as a poor man's Kate Bush but actually a prodigious talent who deserves much better classification than that. Tori has been going since the early 1990s as a solo artist but has evolved so much musically over the decades, in recent years even embracing classical scores and writing her own musical.
But it is the cheeky, daring raw emotion she pours into her music which marks her out, alongside her peerless talents at the piano and her soaring, ethereal vocals. We're seeing Tori in Manchester in May, and I'm looking forward to reconnecting with her after a few years drifting apart.
Album-wise, I'm looking forward to Blur frontman Damon Albarn's first ever solo album, Everyday Robots, later this month. I've followed Damon's career ever since the early days of the Britpop kings, Blur being my favourite band of all time, and while I've enjoyed his side projects such as Gorillaz and The Good, the Bad and the Queen, it is his individual songwriting talent, an ear for melody, which I gravitate towards.

Damon Albarn... solo after 25 years

His solo album sounds to be quite a sombre, understated affair, but I am still looking forward to what must be one of the most keenly awaited solo projects of recent years.
And then earlier this week they announced a "new" album by Michael Jackson. Well, I say new, but obviously he's been dead five years so these tracks are from the vaults.
I've always been a fan of Michael, ever since the 1980s (what child of the 80s wasn't?). He is a controversial figure, but at the heart of all the gossip and calumny was a clearly defined prodigy with a near unique talent for performance, and it's great that we can enjoy slices of that talent long after he's left us.
The album of eight "contemporised" songs is called Xscape and is out the same day as Tori's new album, Unrepentant Geraldines, so that'll be quite a big week!
My other musical mainstay is David Bowie, but he stole a lead on all the others last year when he made a comeback after 10 years with his fantastic album The Next Day. I look forward to more from him this year too, but there's no sign of that just yet. Live gigs, David...?
But if Kate Bush can come out of live performance retirement after 35 years and Damon Albarn can release his first solo album 25 years after his music career began, surely anything can happen!

Michael Jackson... Best not to ask.