Better late than never (pics from the Big Day)

Thursday, May 1st, 2014

One of my favourite pictures, of me and Gareth at the strawberry prosecco reception

I promised some time ago to let those people interested see some pics from the civil partnership ceremony back in February, and it's taken time to get pictures from friends and family and even more time to get round to collating them. Here's a selection of our very happy day and the "honeymoon" (argh!) afterwards...

Him and me, my mum and my dad

The newlyweds

I love this photo. Me with my mum, captured in a moment which
wouldn't be out of place on the cover of a Carry On film DVD

This was a double-selfie taken in the hours before the ceremony.
I was ten times as nervous as I look here! Gareth was Mr Chilled.

Where we had the reception, the Marco Pierre White restaurant at
 the Doubletree by Hilton, Chester. Excellent venue and amazing service

The laid table before the guests dined.
That helium-filled balloon lasted a month!

Another of my favourite pictures: me with my mum and good friend Erika.
I felt like I was in a maternal sandwich!

One of the few pics taken of the both of us on "honeymoon" in the lounge of
 Langley Castle, Northumbria. Beautiful, fairytale place.

The civilly partnered rabbits handmade by my good friend Eva, who sadly couldn't make it on the day.
 These guys are ace though (and they came in a really gay spangly shoebox!).

The amazing decorated and present-laden desk that I came back to work to after the "honeymoon",
 complete with more flowers than I have ever seen in one bunch (I had to split them into four vases),
 as well as balloons, a banner, the inevitable sprinkles, a cake, champers, cards and vouchers.
A special day.

Coming out again and again

Thursday, March 6th, 2014

The delicious (and I mean delicious) wedding cake from my mum and dad

When you're born a homosexualist like me, growing up is so much more complicated than it is for heterosexualists, and let's face it, growing up isn't easy at the best of times. Just becoming and being a teenager has a wealth of its own obstacles to overcome.
But when you're gay, it's even harder because while all the usual adolescent stuff is going on, you're also trying to work out why you have these feelings which seem different to those of your friends and family, and once you do manage to put a name to how you feel, there is the huge obstacle of actually accepting it and then being brave enough to let other people know.
Some people take years - decades, even - to realise or accept that they might be gay, others know early on and just get on with it. But there's one thing that almost all gay people have in common, and that's the dreaded day they come out for the first time.
I'm not going into the trials and tribulations of coming out here, but what I do want to write about is the phenomenon of the never-ending coming out. Because it doesn't happen just the once, you know. Coming out can happen every week, every day perhaps. You come out the first time to someone close to you, maybe your family or a friend, but then for the rest of your life you're constantly coming out again and again to people who do not know.
Society assumes everybody is heterosexual, it's the default. So every time I meet a new person, that person will automatically assume I am straight and that I have a girlfriend or wife. And so often you have to correct somebody's assumption, resulting in a mini coming out.
This happened yet again last night on my college course. Everybody had known for weeks that I was getting married, and were very excited for me, and yesterday was the first session back since the big day so there were lots of questions.
And then came that question: "And did your wife enjoy it?"
I politely replied: "Husband, actually." And they were very apologetic and not a little embarrassed, but all was fine and we just carried out chatting about the day.
But as the evening wore on and I chatted with more people, it kept cropping up again. "I'm sure your wife was as stressed as you were"; "It's good that you're learning to cook, it'll take some pressure off your wife"; "Now you have that ring on your finger, you're wife has control!"
And to my shame I just stopped correcting them because the first time I'd done it, it'd really embarrassed the person. Now the fact they made an incorrect assumption isn't my fault of course, and I fully understand why they did, but I just felt uncomfortable having to create awkward situations constantly just because I love a man instead of a woman.
Society makes assumptions all the time - even I assume everyone I meet is straight! - but it can get so tiring being the exception to the rule sometimes, and also pretty demoralising. Most people do not have to declare their sexuality every time they meet a new person, but when you're gay, you often do. It's a constant requirement to label and define what you are in terms of who you choose to sleep with rather than any number of other far more interesting aspects about you.
So it's been really bugging me that I didn't correct some people's assumptions last night because now they think I am married to a woman and I never told them I wasn't. The fear of being gay and being disliked because of it never quite leaves you...

A marriage is announced

Tuesday, February 4th, 2014

Two rings to bind one love

It's been in the pipeline for many months now, but as I am not the kind of person to crave being the centre of attention (says he, writing on his internationally published blog), I haven't been publicising it very widely.
Until now.
Truth is, in 11 days time, I'll be a married man! On Saturday, February 15th, 2014, Gareth and I will be standing side by side, saying vows to one another in a civil ceremony, exchanging rings and pledging ourselves to one another for the rest of our lives.
It's been a long time coming too, because that very same day is our 18th anniversary. It's taken 18 years to get to the stage where we - as same-sex partners - can finally "tie the knot".
Well, that's not strictly true. Civil partnerships have been legal since December 2005 in Britain, it's just taken us over eight years to pull our fingers out (and slip them into matching gold rings).
And the even truer truth is that we've waited so damn long to do this that we're almost out of date straight away. In March 2014 it will be legal for same-sex partners to get married, so we are only six weeks away from a new improvement in the equality laws.
What will really happen is we'll become civil partners (the first time we'll have been civil to one another for years - joke!) and at the end of March we apply for a marriage licence, which will be granted due to the civil partnership being in place.
Some people might wonder what the importance of doing this is after almost two decades co-habiting, but it's important, both from an equal rights standpoint, and just due to the fact we love each other and why the hell shouldn't we? I won't list here all the reasons why being civil partners or recognised as a married couple is better from an equality point of view, you can Google that up for yourself.
But what I would rather you look up is the lack of equal rights for gay people overseas. The UK is a forward-thinking, liberal society that may have taken its time to get to this point, but at least it's moving forwards, not backwards, as in some countries.
Russia - soon to be in the international spotlight thanks to the Winter Olympics - has a shocking gay rights record. Apparently there are no gay people in Russia (population: 143 million).
In Iran, they have been known to hang people for being gay, and in Uganda they are trying to pass an act of Parliament to make being gay illegal, and punishable with imprisonment. There are also efforts to make it against the law not to report a person you suspect is gay to the authorities.
All this hatred and bloodlust in the name of love, the strongest force we have.
What I am saying is that just because gay rights have made huge leaps forward in the UK, doesn't mean people don't still hate me. Hatred exists in the UK, but sadly attacks on gay people are rarely reported as widely in the media as those on straight people.
And most worryingly of all, hatred for gay people in parts of Asia and Africa is actually growing, not dying away.
And this makes it even more important for Gareth and I to exercise the rights we have as a same-sex couple next week. I hope you wish us well, but please do not ignore or forget those who are not so lucky, those who do not feel as free to simply be themselves.

This isn't Gareth and I, but they're just as good looking as us from the back!