Looking back, moving forward

Monday, May 11th, 2015

As I rush headlong toward my XLth birthday (it looks much more acceptable in Roman numerals, apart from the fact it makes me look fat), I've been thinking quite a lot about the years behind me, compared to those ahead of me.

Let's face it, I'm probably around halfway through my life, and it's at periods like this where you start to ask yourself if you've done good, if you're pleased with what you've done so far and thinking about what you want to do with the rest of it.

I spent my teenage years in education with just one unwavering aim - to become a newspaper journalist. It's all I ever wanted to do. The one thing I had in my mind for adulthood was to write for a living. And I achieved my goal: I qualified with a degree in journalism, got a job on a regional newspaper and worked my way up the ladder until the changing face of journalism in the 21st century meant that further progress was severely inhibited.

And I will admit that, six years ago when the company I'd poured years of time, energy, love and skill into decided it wasn't enough and I was to be sidelined and overlooked, it hurt. It bloody hurt, and it affected me for years, until the time came where priorities shifted in my head and I realised a new horizon beckoned.

I left that company last year after more than 17 years of dedication to its cause, 17 years of putting my heart and soul into trying to make it as successful as possible. But enough was enough. I wasn't being treated correctly - in fact, few people were - so I decided to get out. It was a brave, some might say reckless, decision to just turn tail and split, but it was the right thing to do for both my sanity and my future. And almost six months later, I haven't once regretted that decision to leave. Life is good; in fact, life is so much better when you can see and experience it more clearly, and not through a fug of stress and anger.

And in the months since I left, my life has metamorphosed into a better, much more interesting and enjoyable existence. I still write for a living, but it's much more creative, much freer and nourishing. I write what I feel, not what I'm told to feel. I write my truth, not a twisted representation of it. I use words I never could within the constraints of news reporting. In fact, I write... as a copy editor toward the end of my time on newspapers, I never got to write anything of my own. Unless it was a theatre review... and look at me now (and here too)!

And it's not just writing that has changed for me. My approach to life has changed. I have more time to give now, whether it be to family and friends, charitable organisations such as Parkinson's UK or the RSPCA, or just the new dog we got a couple of months ago. We couldn't have had a dog before as both Gareth and I were in full-time employment and it wouldn't have been fair. But now I've fulfilled a lifelong (and I really mean lifelong) ambition to have my own dog. And it feels good to be able to do that, to tick one off the Bucket List.

I don't have an actual Bucket List - maybe I should - but as the big XL approaches and I look back on what's gone, I can be happy that I achieved my first big goal pretty quickly, and damn well... but now life is in a new phase, and I can't wait to see what it brings. And you know what they say... don't look back, you're not going that way.

It's fun to stay at the RSPCA

Monday, March 9th, 2015

Meet Bobby, thought to be a collie/ spaniel cross

One of the many things I wanted to do when I decided to quit my job late last year was volunteering. I didn't really mind who or what for, I just knew I wanted to feel like I was doing something positive and valued and valuable. Giving something back.

So over the last week or so I've been getting involved in my local RSPCA rescue centre at Bryn y Maen, up in the hills above Colwyn Bay. It's the only RSPCA rescue centre covering North Wales (the next closest is Shrewsbury), which, when you think about it, is a hell of an area to cover taking into account the fact North Wales is a very rural and animal-orientated part of the country.

I had my general volunteer's induction on March 1st, and then my kennel induction yesterday. The people up there are fantastic, they are so warm and friendly and welcoming, and most of all, so loving towards their animals. They have dogs and cats of course, but also small animals such as guinea pigs, gerbils, ferrets and rabbits, as well as cockatiels and then the less domesticated type such as geese, cockerels and goats (they have one sweet little goat called Pete!).

It's heartbreaking but also very rewarding working in the kennels. I'm very much a dog person, never been particularly interested in cats (or they me) so it's a real privilege getting to work with them at Bryn y Maen. I can't pretend it's all glamorous. There's the less salubrious side of animal care, such as cleaning out the kennels and washing away dog poo, but that's a very important part of the animal's welfare, making sure it lives in a clean and safe environment, so you have to take the rough with the smooth.

But then there's the other side, where you get to spend time with the dogs. They have so many dogs up there desperately in need of a good home, who spend all their time in these kennels or out and about being walked by staff and volunteers within the grounds. But being in a kennel is a pretty stressful experience for a dog, they're not meant to be cooped up in such relatively restricted environments, and so it's so rewarding to be able to take them out on their leads and let them have a run and a play and a sniff and just be as a dog should be - happy, content and loyal.

The one side effect of volunteering at an animal centre is that you begin to fall in love with some of the "in-mates", and I did just that last weekend when I met a dog called Robert (Bobby to his friends). He is the friendliest, gentlest, most placid dog you could wish for, although as with so many rescue dogs, he has been affected by his past. He used to be bullied by another dog so that he couldn't get the food he was being given, and he was taken into the RSPCA as skin and bone, and now he is very wary of other dogs. Basically, afraid of them, which obviously makes his kenneled environment very stressful for him. Bobby never barks, he takes food from your hand with the greatest of care, he loves nothing more than being stroked, and he sits and heels when called. He is six years old but all he wants is a calm, loving, safe environment. And I thought Gareth and I could give him that.

So for the first time in my life I'm going to become a dog owner. I've always wanted a dog but never thought it was fair leaving a dog on its own all day every day while we were at work, but now my circumstances have changed, it is possible for us to do. Ever since I was a young lad and I used to help look after my uncle's Old English Sheepdog - who, to this day, I still think about and love to bits, God rest his soul - I've wanted a dog. So adopting Bobby is a real dream come true.

I put a deposit down on him yesterday and we've spent plenty of time with him over the last week, getting to know him and bonding with him. I'm just waiting for a call to arrange a home visit and then we could well have him within two weeks.

Bobby has his issues - his fear of other dogs and innate pessimism about new things - but these can be ironed out with good training and the excellent advice of animal behaviourist John up at Bryn y Maen. These wonderful people don't just give you a dog and wave goodbye - there's so much care and personalised attention goes into adopting a dog to make sure, above all else, that the dog is happy as well as the potential new owners.

All I want is for Bobby to be in his new home with us, but it takes a little time, and so it should. Having a dog is a life-changing decision. But it's a change we're more than happy with and one I've been preparing for for 25 years!

Feeling snoozy...

My favourite photo of Bobby, summing up his loving nature.
Look at those eyes!